I was sitting
on the damp ground with my back to the wall. Heavy irons around my wrists and
ankles. I kept my eyes closed and let my hands do the seeing. The iron was cold
and left chills down my spine. My fingers caressing the earth I sat on, gliding
over tiny rocks. I extended my legs, my bare feet being buried in the cool
soil. I opened my eyes.
I was completely in the dark except for a small stream of
light pouring out of some unknown opening in the high ceiling of my dungeon.
The light hurt my eyes so I had to squint and let them adjust to see. It was a
small circular room with high stone walls. I was the only one here. My hair
clung to my neck and fell down my shoulders. It was so filthy. In fact, my
whole body was filthy. My arms and legs were covered in mud and bruises. I
tried to rub my ankles, which were throbbing in pain, but my chains tightened
and wouldn’t allow my hand to reach. What am I doing here?
I heard a scream from somewhere. It sounded distant and
close at the same time. It sounded like….me.
I began to panic. I screamed for help, louder and louder.
But nothing. I sobbed. What did I do?
I scratched the dirt with my nails then balled my hands into
fists. What the fuck did I do to get HERE? This dark dingy place. This cold
place. Do I belong here?
I let myself drift off, my eyes losing focus, I stared into
the dark. What kind of person would be in a place like this?.....a bad one.
Maybe I was bad. Was I?
What makes a person bad? Is it how they act? Or perhaps it’s
their thoughts?
I behaved like a good person. I never hurt anyone
intentionally. I was a good friend. A good person. I knew it. I just knew it.
It was something that used to be important to me…I think? Why cant I remember?
But my thoughts….. there was something in me that began to
scratch at the seams that held me together. No, my thoughts weren’t so good.
They had never been. Am I here because my mind is twisted?
My eyes came back to focus just in time to see something
dart across the room. I tried to follow it with my eyes, but it moved quickly
and silently. What was that? I was scared. My breathing quickened, as did my
heart beat.
Hello? No answer.
Tears began to well in my eyes, blurring my vision. Slowly
the outline of a person came into my vision. They were walking towards me. I
blinked the tears out of my eyes and felt them roll down my cheeks. I looked up
at my visitor…
Daddy?
Hi, baby.
Dad, where am I? What is this place?
You know where you are, Jen.
I do?
I do?
You put yourself here.
What? I don’t understand. Why would I do that?
He stood over me now, looking down at me.
So I could do this..
He bent down and ran his hand up my leg slowly. He reached the hem of my dirty tattered dress and lifted it easily. His hand continuing up towards…no…..
Daddy!
You want this don’t you?
No! What are you doing?
He smiled as he began to touch me and rub down there. This
couldn’t be happening. I screamed out, I writhed, I tried to escape, but my
chains held me. I tried to force my legs closed but he pried them open and
continued to roughly finger me. Smiling the whole time. I couldn’t take my eyes
away from him. I could feel my body responding to his touch, but I didn’t want
it to….did I?
My screaming turned to moaning and I was no longer fighting
to close my legs. I arched my back and closed my eyes. His speed quickened and
I could feel my release coming faster and faster with every flick of his
finger.
Daddy……daddy……daddy!.....
Right before I could orgasm he began to laugh hysterically,
I opened my eyes and looked at him. He turned to ash and fell in a pile at my
feet.
I sat there in the dark with just enough light to watch the
ash floating in the air, falling lightly on my skin. I closed my legs and tried
to rub some of the ash off the area’s that my chains would permit. All it
seemed to do was make me even dirtier.
What just happened? How could I have….enjoyed that? What the
fuck was wrong with me?
Disgusted with myself I screamed out. I screamed until my
throat was raw and my voice hoarse. When I couldn’t scream anymore I hung my
head and cried.
Suddenly a noise came that interrupted me. I stopped crying
and held my breath in anticipation to hear it again. There it was! What was
that? Where was it coming from? I looked all over the room. There was no way of
telling how big the room actually was. Who knew what actually lay past that
deep darkness. The noise continued….like a clanking of metal. Maybe chains? Are
those footsteps? I couldn’t hold my breath any longer and exhaled loudly. I was
so terribly scared. Suddenly
another man stepped into my vision. Coming from the darkness, he could’ve been
the devil himself. He wore a mask over his face but his torso was bare. He was
gigantic, looming over me like death. His wide shoulders and massive arms. He
wore black pants with chains
hanging off of them. That must’ve been where the noise was coming from. He wore
thick blacksmith’s gloves, and in his left hand a whip was coiled up. He looked
down at me and I heard a deep laugh escape from behind his mask. The whip
uncoiled loosely down to the ground, leaving little whisper marks in the
dirt. In his right hand he held a
large metal hoop with three keys on it. He began to walk towards me. Those huge
leather, probably steel toed, boots making the dirt crunch underneath his
weight. He leaned over and unlocked my irons, first my wrists then my ankles.
All I wanted was to run, but my limbs suddenly couldn’t move. It was as if I
hadn’t used them in years.
He bent down and grabbed my arms and lifted me over his
shoulder. I didn’t fight him, I couldn’t. Even if I had the energy, this man
could kill me with a flick of his hand. He set me down, and I swayed back and
forth on my weak legs. He grabbed my wrists and held them above my head. Clink.
The sound of the iron’s being clasped around my wrists again. He stepped back and inspected me. I was
standing in the middle of my dungeon now. The light pouring over top me now,
riddling my body with shadows. My arms suspended above my head, tightly held by
big rusty iron cuffs. He turned
and stepped out of the light disappearing in the darkness. I heard a squeaking
noise. I suddenly started to be raised off the ground. I looked down and my
breathing once again quickened. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck…
I came to my senses and began to scream for help. Screaming
so loud. My throat was still raw, but I was scared beyond belief. I needed to
get out. Now. The man slowly stepped into the light in front of me. He was
probably just a few feet from me. I could smell him. Sweat, leather, and
something else. I recognized it. I’d smelled it before. What was that smell?
I stopped screaming and stared into that dark mask. I was hanging there for him, the
way I knew he wanted me. Maybe 2 feet off the ground. The iron digging into my
wrists as all my weight pulled me down. My heart hammering against my ribs and
sweat falling off my forehead….I was helpless.
He began to slowly circle me. I couldn’t see him but I could
hear him walking behind me. His pace constant, slow. I’m not sure how many
times he circled me. I began to get light headed and delusional. All I could
hear was that low grumble of a laugh, and those slow steps. Was I falling in
and out of consciousness? I couldn’t feel my arms anymore and my head felt like
it weighed a million pounds. But he just kept circling me. Never speaking. Just
walking, like a lion hunting a gazelle.
Suddenly, a ripping noise. He was tearing my dress off my
body. The material fell, crumpled and dirty, at my feet. My nipples hardened, and
goose bumps flew up my entire body. I was awake now. His walking stopped, and
he stood behind me. I couldn’t see him. A loud crack echoed and I felt the whip
bite into my back. I screamed out. Christ! My head shot back and I squeezed my
eyes shut. He kept whipping. Crack…crack….crack….crack. I kept screaming.
Sobbing. Pleading. Begging. Every whip was like fire and ice down my back. I
clenched my teeth and tried to prepare myself for the next one. It didn’t
matter. The pain never dulled. My body didn’t go numb, or into shock. It just
kept rippling through my body.
Do I deserve this? I must. I know I do. My mind is like a
rotted fruit. It’s sick. And I need to be punished. Suddenly my pleading wasn’t
for him to stop, it was for more. And he was more than happy to oblige. He
began to put some of that muscle into it. I could feel something warm running down
my back. Blood. His whip cut into my skin, and I liked it. I loved it. The pain
seared through my body and I felt every molecule, every atom, scream for more.
My head was throbbing and my legs tingling. My body told me it couldn’t take
anymore, but I told it to shut the fuck up. I could take it. I had to take it.
I THIRSTED for more. I closed my eyes and tears streamed down my face.
The whipping stopped and the man pressed himself up behind
me. I could feel his sweaty chest pressed against my back. Even with me
suspended in the air his head was still by my head. He rested his chin on my
shoulder. He was breathing heavy and his breath smelled sweet. He turned his
head and inhaled deeply into my hair. His skin was rubbing my fresh wounds and
it burned and made me inhale sharply as well. What was he doing? He put his
arms around me and cupped my breasts. He rubbed and pinched each nipple. My
body writhed and I let out a moan. My body was going into sensation over load.
He ran his rough hands down the sides of my body. Moving slowly and feeling
every curve. His long arms extended down my hips and to my thighs. He reached
in front and grabbed my inner thighs, forcing my legs to pull up. He gripped me
just above the back of my knee, pulling my knee’s to my chest, completely
exposing my soaking wet vagina.
My arms still numb and the iron still ripping into my skin,
my back shredded and bloody, and now my knees up by my ribs and my body splayed
out for everyone to see….all I wanted was for this huge man to fuck me. I
wanted him to tear into me like his whip. But before I could even whisper to
him to fuck me, I saw movement in the shadows in front of me. The man was still
pressed behind me holding my legs up. I narrowed my eyes and tried to see in
the dark, but all I seen was the inky black. The squeaking noise came again and
my body began to lower. The man behind me stayed frozen and holding me. My back
sliding down his torso sending pain shooting through me. I screamed out. What
was going on?
My body continued to lower until I was just a foot above the
ground.. I looked into the darkness searching for whoever had lowered me. A
child stepped out into the light, a little girl. I hung there panting and staring at this little girl, more
confused than ever. She had short, curly hair. There was a red bow tied at the
top of her head. She had pale skin, with big eyes. Dark eyes. She looked like a
normal little girl, but there was something off about her. She wore a white
polo and a plaid skirt. She had white ruffled socks and shiny black buckled
shoes. I stared at her, suddenly very aware of how exposed I was. I tried to
lower my legs but the man held them tight. She stepped closer to me.
Who are you? I asked
Who do you think I am?
How would I know that?
She smiled sweetly, and looked down at me. Her eyes stopped
at my sex.
What are you doing here? I tried to get her eye contact back
up to my eyes, but she just kept looking.
I’m here because of you.
Me?
Yup.
I don’t think you belong here, sweetie. This isn’t a place
for kids.
I had no idea where I was, but I was pretty sure it was
exclusively for bad people. Not innocent little girls.
She laughed.
What makes you think I’m innocent?
Had I said that out loud?
You’re just a little girl.
Now she raised her eyes to meet mine.
Were you innocent when you were a little girl?
My mouth opened to respond, but I couldn’t find the words. I
just stared back at her. Was I innocent when I was a little girl? When did
these bad thoughts come into my mind? Does corruption come with age? Or was I
always a plague? Maybe I’m just the bruised, ugly part of the fruit. Maybe I
just came into existence this way. The tears came again. The little girl looked
back down into my opened legs. She began to walk towards me….
Stop!
The voice came hurling through the room like a wrecking
ball. The little girl and I both jumped.
Stop this Jennifer.
He came running into the center of the room. He looked so
out of place. His clothes and skin clean, his clear blue eyes darting from the
man behind me to the little girl, then finally rested upon me.
Oh God, Jennifer…..oh God
Charlie…..
Just saying his name out loud seemed to bring fresh air into
the room. I looked into his eyes. He looked back at me. Concern and love
shouting back at me. Slapping me in the face. I looked away and cried. I didn’t
want those things. Not here. This is no place for love. And why would he be
worried about me? About someone like me…
Jennifer…look at me
I didn’t want to. I could still feel the big man behind me,
his grip had loosened a little but still held my knee’s high. I glanced up at
the little girl who suddenly seemed afraid and meek. Was she shaking?
Finally I looked up at him.
Oh God, Charlie.
I sobbed.
He stepped towards me, but the man behind me gave a warning
noise. And Charlie stopped and looked at him.
Jennifer, make this stop.
What do you mean? Can’t you see I’m clearly not in control
here!
Jen, you are in control here. Take a good look around, baby.
I took a couple of deep breaths and tried to stop crying. I
blinked the tears out of my eyes and began to look more closely at the room.
What I had thought were stone walls actually was a plastic tarp painted to look
like stones. Hastily done, and not very convincing. Some of it was falling off
the wooden pegs it had been nailed to, allowing light to come through. My eyes
fell on the little girl. Her hair was messy and unkept. Her bow dirty and
sloppily tied. She had tear stains down her face. Her shirt untucked and dirty.
Her socks torn and shoes scuffed. I looked at her face, and realized I
recognized her. Yes, I knew this girl very well. She was me. I cried.
Let me go! I demanded. The big hands released me and my legs
fell to the floor. I stood, looking up at my suspended arms. They were tied
together by flimsy rope. I lowered my arms and easily slid my wrists out from
the restraints. I turned around to
face the big man, who in fact was not so big. We were nose to nose. I reached
up and removed his mask. I gasped. Was this a trick? Underneath the mask there
was no man. It was a woman. Her hair was pulled back into a tight pony tail.
She had olive skin, and big brown eyes. Her full lips were painted red and she
smelled like sweet perfume. My perfume. It was me. I backed away, gaping.
Looking from the little girl to the woman in the leather pants with the whip.
What the hell was going on here? I felt like I was going to faint. Charlie
grabbed me from behind and held me. My legs buckled under me and we fell to the
ground. He wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face in his shoulder. I
sobbed. I cried so hard. He rocked me back and forth and rubbed my hair. I felt
his hand go to my back and he caressed my scars. I didn’t understand. What was
this place? I had done this all? How? Why? God, why?
Jennifer, we’re going to get you the help you need okay?
Charlie, I don’t understand…what the fuck is going on here?
Where are we?
Jen, we’re in your dream….
My dream?!
Yes baby.
How are you here?
I always come and pull you out of these dreams, Jen.
Always..?
Yes, baby. Always.
But how?
Because you’re my soul mate, Jen. I love you more than
anything. And I will always be here.
But how, Charlie? How?
We have a connection, Jen. When you need me most I know it.
I can’t explain how I am able to be in your mind like this. But I’ve saved you
from yourself many times.
From myself…..?
Charlie looked around the demented fake dungeon room. He
sighed heavily and looked back down at me.
Yes, Jen. You created all this.
But..why?
That I can’t answer. You punish yourself almost every night.
You’ve put yourself through some sick things, Jen. I thought you were getting
better. But this…
He looked around again, then met my eyes.
I love you. You know that. You do not deserve this, do you
hear me? You don’t. You are not a bad person. I know you better than anyone on
this planet. I love you.
He pulled me into him and held me tightly. I couldn’t pull
away, but I wanted to. His big arms wrapped around me, forcing me to be
surrounded with this man’s love. I wanted to shove him off of me, I wanted to
curl up and dissolve into this atmosphere. This ugly, dark room. I didn’t feel
deserving of the warmth I was feeling. But instead I began to dissolve into
him. I could feel my icy heart melting. I felt tingly and warm. I cried. But
they were soft tears. Slowly falling down my face and onto his chest. He never
let me go…….He will never let me go……..
………………………..
I opened my eyes to the blaring alarm going off on my night
stand. Ugh. I reach over and switch it off. The sun is shining through the pale
white curtains, painting my walls gold. The bed is so warm and my fluffy white
comforter smells clean as I take a deep breath in. I reach up to stretch and
feel his heavy arm wrapped around my waist. I turn over and look into his face.
He looks so much like a child when he sleeps. I blow onto his eyelashes softly.
His eyes open and those clear blue eyes look into me. . He smiles and pulls me
closer. I giggle and pretend to try and resist, but I love being in his arms.
It’s where I feel most at home.
How did you sleep babe?
Pretty good, you?
I think I slept pretty well. But I feel like I had a bizarre
dream! I just can’t remember it. That is so frustrating! I wish I could just
remember one dream instead of always feeling like I’m missing out on something
interesting.
Well, how about I make breakfast and we’ll try and see if we
can jog your memory? Charlie kisses my cheek and throws the comforter off of
us. I jump up and follow him down the hall. I suddenly had an overwhelming
feeling of love and devotion to this man. It was like a wave crashing on my
heart. He turned and looked at me as I stood staring blankly in the hallway.
You okay?
I looked up and met those crystal blue eyes.
Yes, I think I am.
I smile and run to him and he opens his arms as I fall into
him. I bury my face into his neck and breathe in and close my eyes. I get the
feeling of déjà vu.
Charlie, what would I do without you?
You’ll never have to find out, baby. I promise you that.
No comments:
Post a Comment